What's Really Wrong

What's Really Wrong

I haven't really been able to find the words that adequately describe all the feelings, thoughts, and everything I have been experiencing the last few months. I suspect that I never will, but I will keep trying because I know that sharing helps. It's easier for me right now to look at this from a more indirect perspective. There is so much support in the MDA and DMD community, but I am simply not ready to jump in there.

So I found these and they are helpful in describing what this is like and what you can do to support my boy, our family, and me - because so many have asked and offered help. These are tough, but important reads (especially What's Really Wrong), so you may want to sit down. 

From Mother: One Mother on her daughter's Limb Reduction Complex diagnosis
From This Little Miggy Stayed Home: What's Really Wrong
From This Little Miggy Stayed Home: School and Navigating a Special Needs Encounter +  Navigating a Special Needs Encounter




You are small, but you contain worlds.
You are helpless, yet you shine with the power of life itself. You cannot contain your own power.
When we are together, there is nothing else. You are present, rooted.
You remind me of the miracle of being here.
You reach out. You are testing, exploring, carrying out brilliant experiments. You play in a world of desire and thwarted desire, pleasure and pain, sleep and wakefulness. You find your place in between. You take everything in.
You will know sorrow soon enough, perhaps even despair. Great suffering may befall you, yet also great potential for awakening. You may question everything you once believed to be true. Your path may become unclear. You may stumble in the darkness.
I may not be around to help, or give answers. That’s okay. You will find your own way, learn to trust your own stumbling. Or maybe your questions will fall into silence, and you will remember the wonder of these days, the ones we spent together before time mattered at all.
You are the illumination, little one, the hope and the possibility. All the darkness in this world seems so insignificant compared to the light and wonder in your big eyes.
I cannot tell if you are old or young. Perhaps the world has it all backwards. Perhaps you have lived a thousand years or more. Perhaps this is your final incarnation. Perhaps you have fathered (/mothered) me, so that I may find myself here, next to you, broken but whole, humbled, brought to my knees in gratitude. I do not know.
It does not matter. I will assume you are ancient, and worthy of the greatest love.
And you will remind me of the days when there was strength in being vulnerable, and joy was always near.
– Jeff Foster

Just some thoughts I'm thinking today

Just some thoughts I'm thinking today

Over the last several days, and even hours, really, I've been curious about unraveling my own self. Really looking at the disconnect. For the longest time, I have been reconciling that I had not accepted, that I had been unwelcome to certain aspects of my self. Not compassionate, not kind. Last night, Nate said to me, "It's all part of your story."

So if it's all part of my story, then I can re-write it so that what didn't make sense can make more sense. I can change where it's going. 

I can write my own life. 

Or, maybe I can't, but I can design my own life. I can choose what to focus on. 

I don't pretend to believe that I'm in control of everything, but isn't it true that I can choose my choices? It's it true that I can feel my feelings? Isn't it true that I can have faith? I can listen. I can observe and I can engage; be engaged with the wonderous experience of being Human. With all of it's intracatices, intertwining, and interconnectedness. I can witness that magic unfolding.

I am curious.

Living Soup

Living Soup

Ok, this a super quick blog post, but I don't want to throw out ideas like "Living Soup" without a little bit about what it is. It's basically a warm, savory smoothie. You can use almost anything, blend it up with hot water and you are good to go, but you may not get a really good flavor - I find, no matter what, I can get them down because I know how good they are for my body, but try this .. It's tried a true. An important thing to remember, let your base be either green or red, but don't mix the two. Unless its chocolate, brown food never tastes that good. So ..

Base - Use your intuition, these are not exact measures
Zucchini 2 - chopped up
Avocado 1/2-1 - skinned and chopped
Greens - 1 big handful: arugula and dandelion greens are great, but they are bitter, spinach is milder, kale is great but chunky, broccoli is great and broccoli stems are mildly sweet
Spices - I love thai curry paste to keep it easy
1 Rapenzel veggie bullion cube (ads great flavor, but feel free to omit)
4 cups of boiling water (pour slowly so you don't crack your blender)

Squeeze some flax seeds oil, salt and pepper to taste
Enjoy with a spoon or straw.

Drink right away and make it fresh. If you must, it heats up beautifully, but heat is slow so you don't kill it! Warm up until it's hot to the touch. 

Spring Skin Cleanse

Spring Skin Cleanse

Right now, I am reading Eat Beautiful by Wendy Rowe, a make-up artist. This book is beautiful and quick with great reference and a seasonal focus, everything I love in a book about what to eat. Lately, with all the sad feelings about my dog, my birthday, and the state of the world, my skin is not so subtlety telling me that something is off. My job is to bring more awareness and consciousness to the world - in my own small ways and I am constantly encouraging listening as a practice - one, that for me, has a steep learning curve. Though I consider my listening skills to underdeveloped within relationship, they are more developed in body and mind practices. I have learned to listen to and trust my body. My follow through once I receive the messages will be a lifelong practice. One that I am prepared to stay conscious of through out my life. 

One way I can practice that follow through is by what I put into my body. Food, water - what I taste and smell (on somedays), but also what I see, hear, and feel. 

Just as I clear my mind daily with meditation, I can clear my body so that my skin reflects that clarity; and love. 

I want my skin to reflect all that I have going on inside - that which is nourishing, radiant, healthy, connected, and lovely. But for now, I see dryness, irritation, and depletion. Call it vanity if you will, but for me, its about a deeper way of being that enables and empowers me to live my life fully.

As we head into Spring know that ...

"your body will tell you what you need, but it doesn't scream, it whisper, try to listen." 

Here a some things to consider that resonated with me from this book and that I am putting (and do put) into practice:

Digestion + Detox: our skin reflects the internal organ health of namely the digestive system (liver, colon, small intestines), when our skin is off, we can work to cleanse and restore balance via pre and probiotics and what we put into our mouths and bodies. 

Stress + Food/Skin Saviors: Eat the rainbow and healthy fat, hydrate, eat an earlier lighter diner, getting outside, oil massage, daily routines .. all these things can have great benefit to our skin.

Seasonal Eating + Intermittent Fasting: our bodies are designed to be in harmony with Nature and the seasons. Eating in season is not only beneficial for our bodies and our planet, it also tastes better. Eating at specific times of day - like at noon, when our bodies produce the most bile (the alkaline substance in your body that makes digestion possible) and allowing the body to digest and rest like between meals and at night is hugely beneficial. When our bodies aren't working hard to digest what we consume, that energy can be converted to repair and healing. Bringing satiation through water between meals instead of little snacks here and there gives our bodies the opportunity to work they way they are intended to work.

Next week, I'm doing a Spring Skin Cleanse - for my face! Please do it with me. Look for me on Instagram - I'll be documenting here and there with recipes, diy treatments, and practices, etc. #springskincleanse2017