images My personal catalyst for this 30 Day Mediation Challenge was a desire to get to the heart of my own limiting and long-heald beliefs. To cultivate the deep well of me-ness below the negative ideas I have believed about myself. In addition to a daily meditation practice to really cultivate the connection to the deep well, I have been taking a good look as what I am ashamed of. Around what I feel the emotional pain of shame and how it manifests in my behavior. (Resource: Daring Greatly, Brene Brown). So, one night I just began naming/identifying my shame - this exercise continued over the course of the next 36 hours or so … I discovered (pretty personal stuff here, some very surprising, some not so surprising):

  • Shame is needing others.
  • Shame is desperate fear of needing others and being alone.
  • Shame is desperation.
  • Shame is working too hard. Not "working smarter not harder".
  • Shame is not doing something that I would get upset at another for not doing.
  • Shame is thinking my ex thinks I'm crazy.
  • Shame is talking about my ex.
  • Shame is not being about to do what I want due to a limitation.
  • Shame is an unkept house.
  • Shame is insecurity.
  • Shame is not exercising.
  • Shame is not following thru
  • Shame is admitting that I'm afraid.
  • Shame is 'my company' is not good enough and that reflects on me.
  • Shame is admitting I am in pain and can't handle it.
  • Shame (this one is heavy) is being addicted to the negative patterns I've experienced since childhood.
  • and oh, there is more …

I know that I am in a "shame storm" when:

  • I get really angry
  • I start to cry and become inconsolable
  • I feel desperate.

The point is not that the shame is reasonable or rational but that it is named, that I able to bring it to light and build my own resilience to it.

This is what catalyzed my personal commitment to this 30 day challenge. What about you?