People in the yoga business all say that you need to have a website, a facebook page, a blog - I have all those things. I have a practice and dedication and a commitment and I am so very out of balance with my health, my livelihood, with my housework. This blog post then, is a way for me to work towards finding balance again. I don't often share my own thoughts on this blog, mostly it's a collection of inspiring quotes and ideas that inspire me, shared with the intention that what I collect may inspire you as well ... Right now, I'm inspired but not by doing more, by doing less, by stepping back, by releasing and by trusting.
My dear old dad is very clear in his thoughts about doing. One of his favorite sayings that often runs through my mind when I am contemplating a step back is "You must work harder, smarter and longer than anyone else." He is also fond I telling me that in order to "be successful" I need to be putting in the 12-14 hours a day to do so. He also likes to make general statements (which are clearly directly at me and when I call him on it he accuses me a playing word games and effectively shuts me down). Some of these statements are that people from Oregon and people from my generation in particular don't know how to work. These words hurt me. They hurt me so much, because I believe that the era of more is too much. I believe (though not with every fiber of my being) that we don't need more hours, more time, more money, more processed things, more capacity to purchase, we need less! I feel like I have to fight so hard for this not only against my society or my dad, but against myself.
Every spiritual tradition talks about Grace and the slow work of the Lord and the slow and steady trusting that every ounce of nature demonstrates and yet, this voice, these words, these thoughts of more more more now now now drive me insane. Though I fight - I can't seem to win or release them. My stomach tightens and my brow tightens and tears role down my cheeks fighting this fight.
So what do it do? What do it do except write and take note of sensations and feelings as they arise. Waiting, waiting, waiting for the space to increase, for God to enter and to let it all go. And do it again and again and again until the balance is restored.