Goodbye 40.

You taught me so much.

You hit me hard and broke my heart. I wish our experience together this last year hadn't hurt so much. I had really looked forward to you. You put me in touch with all my feelings of disappointment, regret, and pain. I felt the depths of nightmare, negativity and fear. I became more vulnerable and stripped than ever and I think it frightened everyone, especially me. 

40 you took away the future I had in mind, I was furious. 

40, I'm leaving you behind, but there are a few other things that happened and so there is celebration too.

I found a whole community of people, of women mostly and some really stellar men, who aren't afraid of my scars or deformities and make me feel more beautiful and held because of them - they give without expectation, lift me up, and help me see the power of my own choices. I have been held tenderly this year though friendships quieted and connections faded.

40, I was mentored this year, take under a big beautiful powerful wing. I was mentored to elevation, recovery and encouraged to practice me. To practice to be my Truest Self, my Highest Self, my Best even when I could barely move. 40 you were a disruption but I've found my seat of Joy again.

I've cleared so much, let so much go. I'm not a victim, I'm unashamed.

Authenticity has never felt so powerful. I have dug down deep into the dark mine of my soul and I can see a brilliant Light. I'm bringing that Light, that Divine Gift, up and out. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.

On our last day together, I've let go of the false pharisees, the untrue laws that bound me. I've cast off a heavy cloak of darkness and I am fee, open and Alive.

Goodbye 40. Hello 41!